This is a favorite poem of mine written by Dorothy Law Nolte.

If a child lives with criticism, She learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, She learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, She learns to be shy.

If a child lives with jealousy,  She learns to feel guilt.

If a child lives with tolerance,  She learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement,   She learns to confidence

If a child lives with praise,  She learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness.  She learns to justice.

If a child lives with security,  She learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, She learns to like herself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, She learns to find love in the world.

I NEED HELP!!!! Making my girls clean their room and playroom is a nightmare!!!! They hate to clean, which I completely understand.   What are some ways you get your kids to clean and keep things picked up?    This is a HUGE struggle for us.   Any ideas?   PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP FROM ONE MOM TO ANOTHER....

You are not just helping me, but other moms that read the website as well.

Sometimes my little girls get scared.  They wonder if someone will break into the house.   I have reassured them over and over, they are safe.   When a child gets something in their mind, there is no changing it.   They decided to take matters into their own hands.  They had to be proactive and protect themselves.

My adorable daughters decided to create a burglar trap.   My youngest thought it would be a great idea, so her older sister agreed.   They used a scarf, a bucket, a bell, the vacuum cleaner, and a few other odds and ends to create the trap.   They were quite proud of themselves.    As they went to bed, they prayed a burgular would come.   Then they realized what they actually were praying for and changed the prayer.

They awoke to find a burgular hadn't come, much to their relief and dismay. There was a problem though, they didn't know if the trap actually worked.  They had to find out.    They blind folded each other, and went through the trap.   After they tested it, they needed someone who hadn't seen the trap.   They needed Mommy to go through it.   The girls blind folded me, spun me around, and then led me through.    It was fun.  We had a good little laugh.   As I went through the trap, I realized I was creating memories with my children.  I tried to not think of the mess, just the memories.

Take time every day, even just fifteen minutes, to spend with your children doing what they want to do.    You will be creating a memory, that won't soon be forgotten.

What is it about a sleeping child that warms a mother's heart?   I looked in on both my girls this morning, and felt such love.   My eight year old was so beautiful.  Her curls fell softly on her pillow.  I gently touched her hand, gave her a little kiss, and covered her up.  I then went and looked in on my four year old.  She was lying on her side, with her stuffed animal right next to her, her breathing was a little louder, but still so sweet.   I leaned over and gave her a kiss as well.   She didn't respond, just stayed in her slumber.   So precious, so peaceful.

When I'm stressed out, I can look at my sleeping children and calm down for a moment or two.   These are my girls.   My little gifts.  I enjoy being with them so much.   I can't believe how quickly they grow.   Sometimes I wish I can just freeze time.   I want to just take a snapshot and hold on to it forever.  I am repsonsible for these children.   Everything I do can affect my babies.   I could panic at this very thought, but I want to just enjoy the moment.  This moment passess so quickly.   In a blink of any eye, both girls will be going away to college, gone from my home, gone from the safety of their beds where I can watch them sleep.  Gone, so for this very moment, I will cherish the sleeping child that is under my roof.   I will greet them with a smile and a hug when they awake from their slumber.   Realizing another moment in their life has passed way too quickly.

I was having a conversation with a friend.  We were discussing how some men are not present  in their children's lives.   Women often complain about this. He said "Yeah there are a lot of men absent from their children's lives."  but then he continued with a question  that  left my mouth wide open.  He asked,   "But how many of the women don't WANT the man in the kids lives?"

I thought, "WOW!"

I'm a man and I'll speak from a man's perspective.

Men actually don't like conflict, we don't like conflict with other men and we really don't desire it with our children's mother.  When a man is nagged, he most of the time just shuts up.  The "Yes dear." is factual, anything to stop the conflict.

A child psychologist told me often women tend to be the ones using the children as weapons in the divorce.  Most of the time a man will just give the kids to the mother to keep from fighting.  However,  the children are still used negatively, sometimes as a weapon.

When a man is beaten over the head long enough with his children that is enough to send him running for cover even if it means he will not see his children grow up.  I was told by a few different men to do just that during my separation and divorce.  My children's mother was using my children as weapons.  A fellow I grew up with told me, "It may sound harsh but you should just walk away to keep your sanity.  Your kids will seek you out eventually."

Another friend told me, "If she is acting like that just let her have the kids, when they are older, they will come to you."

Both of these men come from divorced homes.  Were  they suggesting I be a deadbeat dad?

My ex-wife enrolled our children into private schools against my wishes.  When I found out, I told her we could not afford this. She kept our children in the school anyway.    I asked around, and found many men have gone through similar situations. I guess one of  the reasons is to get more money from the man.

My ex-wife told my children  I was not any good because I wasn't paying for their school.  I had to explain they were on scholarship.   I also had to explain I was never  told they were being enrolled in the school, nor was I told the cost.  I asked my children how can I pay for what I don't know about and why should I pay if they are on scholarship?

From the outside looking in anyone could say that a man that is not in his children's lives and a man that does not support his children financially is a deadbeat.  However, if we look at the mother of those children sometimes we find that she has been using the children as a weapon and has been up to no good regarding her financial situation.

Ladies, is the man really a deadbeat dad?